just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Randomize
