I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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