just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
