Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
