he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
