Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
