that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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