im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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