I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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