im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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