I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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