I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
