peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if only i could text you this smell
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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