I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can't talk, ducks in the car
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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