It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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