Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
