I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
