Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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