anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
