Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
