I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
