I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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