Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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