Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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