literally had 100 drinks last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
