As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
