I have demons in me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
