I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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