fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
