New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
