Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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