Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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