I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
