I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
