Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
