1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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