I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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