How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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