Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
