she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
