Where did you get a picture of my penis
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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