just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
