Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
