Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
