Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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