break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
