I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
