Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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