Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
