New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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