We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
