started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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