I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
