went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
