I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She tied me up with her honor cords...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
