Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
