So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
