Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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