you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
