why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
