I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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