He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize