I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
