I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
