I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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