i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
