When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
