he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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