moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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