No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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