she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
