I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
