I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize